As we always say, divorce isn’t always fun, but it’s nearly always worth it. There are plenty of bad things about the whole situation, but here we’re going to tell you the very best things about getting divorced. There are some, we promise! You know how when you’re married you have to think about how everything you do affects your partner?
Now is the time to do things for you. The time to relearn who you are and find your authentic, autonomous self. Even though it will more than likely be a painstaking process as you initially become unhitched, the pros of divorce outweigh the cons, by far. Once the brain fog starts to clear, you’ll be able to reflect and recognize that you did, in fact, make the right choice.
This is your chance for a total reboot.
Can divorce be a positive thing?
Think about Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz (co-founders of “I Love Lucy”, formerly married to one another). They had a quite turbulent marriage, with Ball often thinking Arnaz was cheating on her and with Arnaz drunkenly stumbling home late at night on numerous occasions. They eventually, unsurprisingly, divorced. The irony of it all is that Ball and Arnaz became closer friends after the marriage ended. Both agreed they were happier and got along better after splitting.
Not only can divorce be a positive thing, it can be the most positive thing you do for yourself. Because self-care is more than doing a cleansing face mask and drinking wine in the bathtub (although that sounds great, and you should definitely indulge). But, self-care is also knowing what you deserve and making sure you get it –that’s true self-love.
What are the advantages of a divorce?
There are PLENTY.
No arguing over what show to watch or what to make for dinner. No worrying about pleasing anyone but yourself –no compromising to keep the peace. The simple freedoms you forgot existed while you were tied down by your vows.
“Who am I when I’m not with you?”
Sometimes when you’re in a long-term relationship, you and your partner begin to mimic each other’s actions and idiosyncrasies, unintentionally. Once you’re out of that long relationship, you may realize that you’ve become someone you barely know.
Getting your autonomy back is one of the most satisfying, fulfilling feelings of all time. Rediscover your passions. Pick up an old hobby, journal, spend more time with friends; do all the things you felt like you didn’t have enough time for while you were partnered up. Or, even better, find something new that intrigues you! Part of rediscovering who you are is taking risks and forcing yourself outside of your comfort zone.
Not saying getting divorced is all rainbows and sunshine by any means, but it does allow you the time and space to heal emotionally after the draining process of becoming legally separated, on top of the feelings of loneliness that accompany you now that you’re not living with your ex-partner. But, honestly, it is so much easier to find inner peace without the distraction of an unhappy marriage.
The most peaceful part of all? You get the whole bed to yourself. There’s nothing like a good night’s sleep–being able to sprawl out across the whole bed, not waking up to your partner snoring in your ear or stealing the blanket off of you in their sleep. Just a big, comfortable, bed for one.
Dating after divorce
It can be scary to jump back into the dating scene after a big breakup or divorce. One of the pros of being single is the opportunity that follows. Once you decide you’re ready to get back out there, you get to pick your poison. Want to try dating apps? Or pick someone up at the bar? A meet-cute at the local coffee shop? All of the above? Meet new people, try them out, and see what makes you feel best.
Ask yourself questions like:
“Do I like myself when I am with this person or is it having a negative affect on me and my mental state?”
“Am I enjoying my time with this person or am I just bored and don’t want to be alone?”
Or, maybe you don’t even want to get back in the game yet. If you don’t feel ready to start investigating the dating pool, you should never pressure yourself just because you think you’re supposed to be looking for someone. Everyone heals in different ways, on different timelines, and not everyone is in a hurry to jump back into a romantic relationship. Wherever you are in your healing process, you’re right where you’re supposed to be.
Celebrate yourself! If you’re newly single and want to throw a divorce party but you’re not sure how, read our blog about How to Throw the Best Newly Single Party Ever.
One of the nicest things about throwing a divorce celebration is that, now, there is finally a divorce gift registry that you can customize and share with your friends and family. That way, not only will you get to spend time with all of your closest loved ones, but they’ll be helping you prepare for your next stage of life–being single.
The prospect of divorce does seem negative, for sure, but keep in mind everything you just read and know that this is a time for self-love, not self-loathing, and not even loathing your ex. Focus on yourself as best you can, and just do you.
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