Had a Maid of Honor? Now you need a Maid of Horror

A harpy with spread wings in front of a full moon

When I got married 9 years ago, having my best friend next to me meant everything. We’d been stuck like glue since Freshman Orientation and there was no way I was walking down the aisle without her ahead of me. 

But now that I’m getting divorced, I realized I need someone with a different skill set. That’s why I was so glad to find an app that hooked me up with a harpy – a half woman, half bird demon whose day job is to guard the gates to the Underworld.

Maid of Honor

  • Obliged to be polite 
  • Limited supernatural abilities 
  • Has arms and thumbs
  • Might be hotter than you

Maid of Horror

  • Will carry your enemies away to hell
  • No complicated history or jealousy 
  • Only has wings
  • Skeletal face and claws of a hawk

The harpy I got matched with wasn’t perfect (I ended up giving her a 3.5 star rating), I have no regrets about having her with me at our mediation sessions. Just having her eagle wings looming over my ex was so comforting. I would absolutely encourage any woman going through a contentious separation to hire a harpy, siren or hag as their Maid of Horror.