How to be Single and Happy: 3 reasons I Love Single Life

How to be single and happy Divorcist graphic

When I first got divorced, I don’t think anyone could have told me how to be single and happy. I needed to figure out it for myself. Here’s what I discovered. 

I was plagued by concern when my ex initially left. I worried about my finances, my kids, and just about everything else I could worry about. 

Fortunately, after the shock of being single again at 40 plus years wore off, I began to fall in love with my newly single life. 

Contrary to what I had feared, I was able to learn how to be single and happy… and you can, too. It’s not something that will happen overnight, but in time, you will be able to transition into your newly single life. 
One day, you’ll look around and realize that you are actually better off being on your own, even if that means relearning how to love yourself. No matter how isolated you feel now, you’re not truly alone. There are many of us, myself included, who have gone through this before. 
Luckily, I’ve wrangled up some fellow single friends and compiled a list of tips that helped us transition into a newly single life and love being on our own.

Learning how to be single and happy: my journey

When the dust of my messy divorce settled, a typical day would begin with me waking up refreshed since I was able to sleep soundly – without a snoring partner stealing covers and shoving me to the edge of the bed. 
Next, I’d proceed to the kitchen and fry up some eggs to my liking – without a critic looking over my shoulder telling me how I was doing it wrong. I’d then hop in the car and go off to my job in a great mood. After work, I’d come home to my tail-wagging dog and maybe fix supper, maybe not. If I didn’t have plans, I’d settle in for a quiet evening in PJs.
The best part was the absolute peace and aloneness– what I had feared the most. Instead of being terrible, it was an amazing feeling to be alone.
I had nobody around to worry about constantly. Nobody to criticize my cooking. Nobody to snatch the remote out of my hand. Nobody rolling their eyes at me in disgust. Nobody slamming doors and throwing loud, drunken pity parties. In short, nobody to steal my joy.
Being alone can be tough after a breakup, especially at first. It’s not all going to be rainbows and butterflies. But, if you can learn to love being on your own, you can learn how to love being single. You will realize how much time you weren’t making for yourself, and hopefully, you will learn how to protect your time in the future. I know I have.

Learning how to be single and happy is a different process for everyone

Every breakup and divorce is different. Your own journey to happiness will be different, and may not even look like mine, but it’s important to know that there IS a way for you to love being single, even if you haven’t found it yet.

Want more reassurance? I asked a few friends for their own thoughts on how to be single and happy, and here were their responses:

You will learn how to be single and happy when you can love being on your own

Listy, Professional Dancer

Like myself, Listy greatly valued her newly-found alone time during her single life. She says that she “really learned a love about [herself] and found lots of empowerment.” She was able to devote more time to herself instead of focusing on a partner and referred to it as dating herself. 

If you’ve never had the pleasure of taking yourself out on a date, now is certainly the time. Set the standard high for the next person who wants to take you out!

But, Listy also reminds us that no breakup can be all good. “There have been times when my heart was crushed after a relationship,” she said. “There were times when I thought I would not make it through the emotional sh*t storm.” 
At the end of the day, though, there is hope. “Turns out, being single again at 30 or 40 was what my heart really needed at the time to heal. And if you do want to find a partner again, learning how to be single and happy will help you make the right choices in the future.”

The freedom that comes with newly single life is unparalleled

Megs, Marketing Professional

According to Megs, freedom is the best part of being single. 
“If I want to adopt a new pet,” she says, “I don’t have to talk it over with anyone. If I want to paint the living room lime green, I can paint the living room lime green. There’s no one I have to confer with before choosing a restaurant. It’s always quiet when I nap. I can make whatever I want for dinner. I can watch all the guilty pleasure television shows that I want.”
When asked if she misses having a companion, she said, “Heck no! I have friends all over the place and I travel and go to concerts and have all the fun I missed out on for so long.”

Single life is easier when you spend time with great people

DJ,  Medical Student 

DJ pointed out that “a lot of people who feel pressure to be in a relationship or year for a relationship are seeking the partnership that relationships seem to promise.” 
The relationship you were in may not have been the best partnership, and you may not have had the best connection, but having a constant companion is a big perk that can be difficult to let go of. For DJ, finding happiness in their single life meant that they had to be their own companion.
DJ listened to a podcast about a woman who had created a bucket list of 365 activities to do together in the new year, but they broke up shortly after creating the list. Instead of throwing the list away, DJ said the woman still wanted to try out all of the activities and made it a priority to ask different friends and family members to complete the list with her. “I thought that was a really neat way to fill that ‘partner void’ and take advantage of being single,” DJ noted.
Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you have to stop doing the fun things you loved doing with your partner. You can still enjoy trying activities old and new. Try inviting your friends or family along to a fun outing to get yourself out of the house and around people who love you.

3 of the biggest tips that will help you love being single

After talking with my single friends and compiling my own experience transitioning to a single life, there were a few tips that seemed to be the biggest factors to our success. These are the three tips you should follow after your breakup or divorce that will help you learn how to be single and happy.

1. Consider your new-found freedom

So many of us make sacrifices in our relationships and give up opportunities to make our relationships work. Now that you’re newly single, you get to call the shots.

If you want to move to relocate for a dream job, you can. If you want to take time off of work to travel, you can. If you want to treat yourself to a shopping spree… well, you get the point. Being my own person again was one of the best parts of being newly single, and it’s something I won’t take for granted any time soon.

2. Take time for yourself

How long has it been since you’ve put yourself first? For many of us who have been in long-term relationships, some with children, it’s impossible to remember. It is so important to remember to take time for yourself now, especially as you heal and move forward.

Many of us feel lost and confused in our newly-single life, but this just means we get to find ourselves again. Take advantage of this time you have to yourself. What about you has changed? What are your interests? What are your goals and dreams?

It’s okay if you don’t know. That’s what makes this time so exciting. Getting to find myself and learn who I was truly helped me love being single.

How can you do it? Take yourself out for a nice dinner, sign up for a class that sounds interesting in your area, or try a hobby that sounds interesting. Now is the time to be selfish and give yourself the love and attention you deserve.

3. Spend time with friends and family

We’ve all seen the effects of isolation over the past few years being stuck in our homes away from our family and loved ones. It can be easy to fall into bouts of sluggishness during your breakup when you don’t want to get out of bed, let alone talk to or see anyone. But most of the time, it’s exactly what you need.

I wouldn’t have been able to get through my divorce without my amazing support system. Even though I was learning to enjoy my single life on my own, the loneliness crept in at times, and I always knew I had people in my corner who would be there for me when I needed them.

Don’t forget to call up your friends and make plans for yourself, even when you might not feel entirely up for it. Getting up and moving and spending time with people who love you will do wonders for your mental health. Just remember, if you’re feeling especially down or need someone else to talk to, therapy is always another option. There are always people out there who will want to support you and help you love being single.

From craving companionship to being single on purpose

Post-divorce, I was single by choice for a few years until I met someone who added to my joy instead of stealing it. I had learned not only how to enjoy being single, but how to live in the present and cherish it.
So, whether you find yourself single again at 30 or 60, believe me when I say that you don’t need to fret about how to be happy single. If you are open to the joy of aloneness, I promise the joy will find you.